Check, Please  

I'm just about to make my first ever call to the unemplyment office to get myself put on what British people call "the dole." I'm actually deriving a perverse sense of pleasure out of it; my guilt at taking government money away from people who actually need it was plenty alleviated when I found out that it's actually your former employer who pays the lion's share of your unemployment. Well, hochelaga, then - sign me up! Like my severance wasn't good enough, now I get more checks for doing nothing? Yes please. So that's that, I'm looking forward to going down to the unemployment office and sitting through interminable "How 2 Get A Job" videos, with all of the other dot-com casualties, for sure. I'm also learning all sorts of little trickeries, like being sure to bill freelance work to coincide with days that you weren't snagging unemployment checks. What's next - raiding the food bank? This whole jobless wastrel thing may just work out after all. However, this in no way invalidates my earlier call for work; if you need writing, art, design or blowjobs done and have cash to pay for it (I work very cheap), please let me know.