I Helped Murder These Clones - I was walking by my old office where I originally found this tacked to a lamppost and I saw a hot dog vendor's umbrella with what looked like shower curtains made of duct tape extending all the way to the ground, forming a tall, human-sized tent. There didn't appear to be any way in or out of it aside from lifting it up and crawling inderneath. Written on the umbrella was "Van Gogh University for World Peace Children." Looks like she got her special college.

Housing Problems - She moved out some of her stuff and I moved a bunch of it into the closet, so things are a little better. There's still a bunch of terrible hippie bullshit left, including this one really mind-bogglingly awful painting where she painted herself as Aphrodite coming out of the seashell or whatever dead Greek bird that was, but I turned it to the wall so it's no big deal.

Top Ten Things About The South - A reader has informed me that the man lighting the ground on fire was in all likelihood trying to eliminate a colony of fire ants.

Check, Please - I still haven't recieved my first unemployment check, so something's wrong. I called the Department of Labor 18 times today but never got through. I'm probably going to get my tie out of mothballs and go back to temping - one good thing is that I usually get a lot of writing done while I'm holding down a corporate desk, so those of you who get off on the true-life terror tales should be in for a treat.

Chair, Ashland, OR, May 1999 - It's still a drawing of a chair.