Harassing Email

A while back I was feuding with the stupid honky leader of a retarded graffiti crew who claimed to be a "philosopher/graf artist." Here's a harassing email I sent him that basically makes fun of everything he holds dear. He threatened to beat me up and kill me and such if he ever saw me but the next time I saw him I made kiss-faces at him and he didn't do anything. Jake Dobkin, if you're reading this, you're a pussy.

Hi! I know you don't know me, but boy would I ever like to join your kicking graffiti crew! You guys sound like real hell-raiser rebellious guys! My mommy gave me $400 and said I can be as rebellious as I want with it! I got a tattoo! I got in trouble because I talked to a cop in a mean voice! Actually it was a security guard! But he was big! I like to "throw down" graffiti! I like to do it! I am a good painter and i "tag" too! Sometimes when I "tag" someplace I pee all over it too! I drink malt liquor, but only ironically! I'm "down!" I shop "on 125th st east of Amsterdam" because all the "brothers" know I'm "down!" That's cool! You guys are like my soulmates, 'cause I'm really smart too, and quote from Allen Ginsberg! He fucked me in the ass at a NAMBLA meeting! It was cool, but I'm not a homo! Are you a homo? If you are, that's cool, OK? I like to listen to rap and hip-hop! It makes me feel tough, like Eazy-E! Wait! He's dead! But he's still tough! He fucked a lot of bitches! I like the fact that you have those two bitches down the hall always have their door open so they can see who's coming down the hall! They're skanky! But that's OK, man, 'cause I'm "down!" I also have a sensitive side! I listen to Morrissey, too! Sometimes I cry! But I didn't cry when I got my tattoo, which is full of deep and meaningful meaning for me but nobody else understands it! Anyway, I'd like to join your "crew" but I can't run over rooftops in Chelsea with you because I'm in a wheelchair.


MC 2 Hype Honky Cripple