READ PART ONE

"Your GIRLFRIEND?!?!" I said. "What about your MOM, who's in the HOSPITAL?"

"Now calm down, youngster," he said, "I'll take good care of my mom, but this whole thing just took so long that I've gotta go pick up my girlfriend from work or she'll be really mad at me. Don't you worry, youngster."

That's when I started to realize that I'd severely fucked up.

"How do we get to Aurora from here, youngster?"

And it got worse. Aurora Avenue North is the depressing, motels-and-hookers strip of Seattle, and now we were heading there in my Mom's stolen car to pick up this guy's girlfriend. Oy.

"You're gonna want to take the tunnel by Seattle Center - turn here," I said.

At this point I just wanted to make this as easy on myself as possible.So we started driving north on Aurora, smooth jazz on the radio, me looking out the window for police officers or anybody who might be able to help me here. We pulled into the parking lot of the Aloha Motor Lodge, and the guy hopped out.

"Oh, god," I thought, "his girlfriend 'works' at a motel?"

I thought about trying to drive out of there - he had left the keys in the ignition. If I could get the car started in time, I might be able to drive home down Aurora without causing a grisly automobile accident. But probably not.

He came running out of the lobby and climbed back into the car.

"Hey, youngster - as a joke, I told my girlfriend that this is my car. So if she asks, just tell her that this is my car, OK?"

I nodded my head sadly.

"You might wanna get in the back seat."

I climbed into the back seat as his girlfriend came walking out of the motel. All of my worries about her being a prostitute were instantly dispelled, as she was one of the ugliest women I have ever seen in my life. She climbed into the passenger seat and her boyfriend started the car.

"Jimmy," she said, "I'm hungry. Can we stop at McDonalds and get something to eat?"

"Sure, Brenda, no problem," he said. So now they had names, at least; Jimmy and Brenda.

Jimmy leaned over as he was pulling out of the parking lot on the busy streetand began loudly and wetly kissing Brenda. She tried to fend him off with cries of "Jimmy, watch where you're driving! Pay attention!"

"Brenda," he said, "don't you tell me how to drive my new car!"

"This ain't your car, it's that boy in the back seat's!"

"No way, Brenda, this is my car! I bought it today!"

"Well then what's all that stuff on the floor?" referring to my Mom's Boeing training manuals.

"Oh, that all came with the car. You wanna go to Burger King or what?"

So we took off down into the Ranier Valley, the closest thing Seattle has to a ghetto. Jimmy pulled the car into the drive-through and ordered some food.

"You want anything, youngster?"

"No, I'm fine..."

So we drove off with Burger King food, Jimmy eating and driving, occasionally stopping to make out with Brenda at a red light or in traffic.

"Jimmy," Brenda said, "now I gotta go to Pay-N-Save to get my hair stuff, okay?"

And that's when I lost it.

"PAY-N-SAVE?" I yelled. "What about your MOM, who's in the HOSPITAL? What about the INSURANCE PAPERS? What about jumpstarting your car!?!"

"Oh my God, Jimmy," Brenda cried, "your mom's in the hospital?"

"Aw, no, no," Jimmy explained, "she's just some lady I call my mom."

I fell back in the seat, defeated.

"Listen here, youngster. I'm gonna go to Harborview right now, and then once I drop off these papers, I'll take you right home. You've done me a big favor, youngster, and my family will never forget it."

"Sure, sure, whatever," I said. I didn't care.

So we drove over Seattle's First Hill neighborhood and parked in a lot outside an apartment complex. Jimmy and Brenda got out, leaving the keys in the ignition. I waited until they were out of sight and climbed in the driver's seat. It took me about five minutes to start the car, but eventually I drove out of the lot. I figured out how to get home without taking the freeway, driving slowly under the bridges through the Industrial district, and made it home, where I locked all the doors and collapsed on the couch.